Along this path called
THE MIDDLE, what sticks
a lot is embarrassment.
You look back and think of the things you did, or didn’t during an insane period of your life. It’s a period where you think everything is under control but in reality you have already lost control. This is when your heart opens up to someone or something in an unapologetic, sincere way.
So apart from grief and longing, sits with you the hot burning feeling of embarrassment. Thoughts keep coming back relentless and unforgiving, of all the feelings of a bare heart, of the sporadic sex and insane positions. My god, how you would wish that had never happened.
How could I have skipped family dos, or found excuses for not meeting someone important just to engage with this being. When you think that you were ready to re-shape everything in your life just to have that being around you, when your rose-colored glasses are removed you are left embarrassed with yourself.
The tingling hot feeling that’s left, the red face and the flush of heat on your back. In what way can you control or explain that? What was I thinking?? Or better, was my mind really functioning at all?
This is what you’re left with probably when you are shaken back to your senses and you know what? …. you’re more flushed when you find out it’s normal !
This is the third and last piece of my posts – THE MIDDLE (for now)